Not to sound overly dramatic, but lately I have become overly aware of the weight of time. I feel like I’m running out of it. Don’t get me wrong – I am not making any morbid predictions about my future (touch wood!) – it’s just that there are still so many things I’d like to accomplish and I wonder where I can find the time…
It’s really such a cliche. When I was a teenager, the adults around me laughed at my bravado. I acted like I would live forever and they would give me that knowing, nay, patronizing look… They knew better.
In my 20’s, life was a flurry of discoveries and I experienced every high and low with passion and excitement. I met the love of my life and I formed a strong bond with friends who remain close to me today. I was full of ideas and the possibilities seemed endless. There were so many things I would do!! Meh. Tomorrow.
All those ideas…ideas that were achievable and realistic…I put them aside “for another day”. I did not pursue anything wholeheartedly because there “would always be time”. Even such a simple thing as establishing a solid yoga routine or drinking more water…simple things that take no effort at all, really…I always put them off for another day. Never mind getting certified to teach ESL or re-learning piano.
I am now 36. Far from old. But then again.
I have achieved many beautiful things. I am proud of the life I have created for myself. But have I really been pro-active? I feel a kind of urgency that I can’t fully explain. I want to forge ahead and make choices actively and consciously. I’m in a stage of my life where, ironically, time
is a luxury. Perhaps this is the very reason that I am realizing how I have taken it for granted.
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