I fear that I’m becoming a cynic, and I need to stop it. I’m pretty much angry at the world all the time. This is exacerbated by my daily dealings with various bureaucracies, such as Enbridge or Sears or Bell… it seems that they are intent on making a perfectly sane person lose their mind. However, I think it goes deeper that this. Yes, being put through the various levels of the Enbridge telephone system is absolutely enraging and nearly made me smash my phone against the wall. But, I digress.
When I think about my life, I feel absolutely blessed in every way. I have a beautiful family (a wicked husband and awesome kids!), great friends that stand by me and share my values, a home that I complain about but am still happy to return to every night and I’m generally healthy and well. This is when I would like to request you all to knock on wood, turn three times and spit or put up the hand gesture that protects against the “malocchio”, please!!! Despite all these blessings, though, I think about the world around me and feel a quiet sense of despair. But even worse, when I hear others speak of revolutionary ideas that will bring about change, I find myself internally rolling my eyes and nodding in agreement, while thinking “Whatever!” As such, I am becoming my own worst nightmare.
I’m not sure where this cynicism began. I recall as recently as 10 years ago feeling more connected to the universe, more positive about the possibilities of true change. Reading Tarot cards and contemplating the secret messages of the stars, my friends and I would discuss for hours the idea of aliens living among us and that the Freemasons were running the world. All this was tied directly to a strong sense of spirituality – a sense of connectedness with something greater than this Earthly existence. As the responsibilities of everyday life took over my time, though, I found myself moving further and further away from these ideas and becoming more immersed in how I would cover the next mortgage payment. Spirituality took a back seat.
So I’m trying to be a little more conscious lately. Replace my cynicism with a sense of wonder. Be aware of the beauty of each moment. No easy feat, I assure you. I’ll keep you posted as to my progress…